8 posts tagged “wtf”
CNN is now, apparently, offering shirts with the day's headlines on them. Um, why? Do I need a shirt that says "Clinton urged to reject votes of racists" or "Flying fish stays aloft for 45 seconds"?
Last I checked, no.
It is past my bedtime, and I have had one too many glasses of wine, but I must comment on all of the nonsense on the news tonight. It seems that every story had to have some point at which it broke with reality, was totally bizarre, or made no sense. To wit:
- Weird sound bites on nation news re: MLK memorial: Journalist notes that the famous, powerful and glamorous spoke at the event. Oprah appears on the screen at the mention of 'glamorous' and stays just long enough to say 'He was a man--.' In other total bizarreness, both CBS and NBC delegating the groundbreaking of this memorial to the final 2-minute human interest story. Seriously???
- Dude on local news is concerned with the loss of mobile home parks (*snicker*). He notes that 'X number of mobile home parks have been lost in the Portland-metro area including Bend.' Bend is, at the height of summer with no snow, at least three hours from Portland. Google maps gives four hours as an estimate, and a lovely map for those of you not from the area.
- The local news also informs us that they will tell us "how to protect our families this flu season" (read: BE VERY VERY SCARED OF SOMETHING). Turns out that this was the lead-in for a story about Tamiflu causing delusions in like 4 kids in Japan. How many people get sick enough to get Tamilfu during a given flu season?? Not many, I reckon. And if someone is sick enough that they warrant Tamiflu, delusions are likely to better that the other probable outcome (death).
- Girl on local news says having a community center "helps people feel cleaner."
There was more but I am drunk and going to bed. My general dismay directed at the television was not helped by the fact that CSI: Miami, despite living up to it's reputation of David Caruso being a total fucking tool, had a plot which was, in a word, schizoincoherent.
Man am I calling Comcast tomorrow and ridding myself of this beast. Kill my television, indeed!
While looking at various political websites today I found a banner ad to this site. The best part of the ad, I should mention, was its tag line: "Tired of meeting liberals at bars?" Yesterday the bars, today the congress! I always say.
But this site is a joke, right? Surely conservatives aren't really that insular.
Well, okay, maybe they are.
This short post by Randy Thomas is surely the most ridiculous thing I have ever read in my life. Mind you, he didn't say it, but that anyone would participate in such a thing--or repeat such nonsense on their blog--blows my mind. Who are these people?? Anti-discrimination laws violate their freedom of religion???
How high are you right now that you actually think that's true??
This is so typical of Christians seeming to think they can do whatever the hell they want because they are Christian, and no one else can do a fucking thing that they disagree with because it is "a sin." Get off your fucking high horse, already! Your ability to believe in things that are not true doesn't give you the right to tell me what to do.
Yeesh.
Hysterical Update!
Go read comment number 10 on that post. Go do it now.
Update the second!
G-A-Y takes a shot at the same event here.
"Humans are idiots and I don't care!"
Thanks, Dickfaces. Way to understand how smart stingrays are. Jesus Christ we are doomed.
While straightening up my files today, I stumbled upon this photo.
Pretty, yes. But how and why was it in my "Photos" folder? Why did I deem it worth saving? What is it, for that matter?
Man I need to drink less.
You know, I should have given up after Unbreakable, but for some reason, I just keep going and paying five bucks to see M. Night Shyamalan movies. It is the one, tiny part of myself that might be called masochistic. Okay, I admit, the man makes blockbusters. But do people enjoy the movies, or are they all like me, and they are drawn to see them, knowing all-the-while that the thing is going to be an epic piece of shite? I seriously hope it's the latter.
Today I went to see "LADY IN THE WATER" (in creepy-child voice from the commercial; please note that there is no creepy child in the movie--false advertising! I wanted a creepy child!). I don't even know where to start, except at the beginning (of the movie, that is), which consists of a bunch of stick figures explaining to you what is about to happen in the movie and why. Has Night not heard of the "Show Don't Tell" rule? Did he never, ever take a writing class? Ever?? Does he have no idea whatsoever of what a good story might sound like? Why is this five minutes of crap at the beginning of the movie?? Hard to say, since he has not one, not two, but THREE WHOLE characters (caricatures?) dedicated to telling you EVERYTHING you need to know to follow the almost-plot. Confused about what's happening? Don't worry, so is the main character, but he's going to run and get advice, and then we'll all know! That's a fucking relief...
I wish I had someone like that in my life who would remind me not to EVER see an M. Night Shyamalan movie. Ever.
Also, on a purely linguistic note: What. The. Fuck. The names of the goodies and baddies are "narfs" and "scrunts," respectively. These are the sorts of words that we linguists make up to teach first-year students about syllable structure and well-formed English words (you can say "scrunt" but not "sfrunt"). Are you joking me?? Fortunately, "narf" in Korean is something like "phulgogi", so at least it's well-formed in Korean, too, and readily translatable.
Also also, baddies made of bundles of sticks are not scary. Just FYI.
Finally, did you really, Mr. Night, just write yourself into your own fucking movie? Who the fuck do you think you are? Apparently, someone whose movies will change the world. Yeah, by making me gouge my eyes out. Oh, and deafening myself, too. If I hear another fucking measure of your DeBeer's-commercial-rip-off soundtrack, I will lose whatever semblance of sanity that I have left.
I'm going to stop now, but only because the critics here have managed to do such a superb job at tearing this movie into tiny bits and sad, tattered, sub-mental pieces.
