3 posts tagged “news”

CNN is now, apparently, offering shirts with the day's headlines on them.  Um, why?  Do I need a shirt that says "Clinton urged to reject votes of racists" or "Flying fish stays aloft for 45 seconds"?

Last I checked, no.

It is past my bedtime, and I have had one too many glasses of wine, but I must comment on all of the nonsense on the news tonight.  It seems that every story had to have some point at which it broke with reality, was totally bizarre, or made no sense. To wit:

• Weird sound bites on nation news re: MLK memorial: Journalist notes that the famous, powerful and glamorous spoke at the event.  Oprah appears on the screen at the mention of 'glamorous' and stays just long enough to say 'He was a man--.'  In other total bizarreness, both CBS and NBC delegating the groundbreaking of this memorial to the final 2-minute human interest story.  Seriously???
  
• Dude on local news is concerned with the loss of mobile home parks (*snicker*).  He notes that 'X number of mobile home parks have been lost in the Portland-metro area including Bend.'  Bend is, at the height of summer with no snow, at least three hours from Portland.  Google maps gives four hours as an estimate, and a lovely map for those of you not from the area.
• The local news also informs us that they will tell us "how to protect our families this flu season" (read: BE VERY VERY SCARED OF SOMETHING).  Turns out that this was the lead-in for a story about Tamiflu causing delusions in like 4 kids in Japan.  How many people get sick enough to get Tamilfu during a given flu season??  Not many, I reckon.  And if someone is sick enough that they warrant Tamiflu, delusions are likely to better that the other probable outcome (death).
• Girl on local news says having a community center "helps people feel cleaner."
  

There was more but I am drunk and going to bed.  My general dismay directed at the television was not helped by the fact that CSI: Miami, despite living up to it's reputation of David Caruso being a total fucking tool, had a plot which was, in a word, schizoincoherent.

Man am I calling Comcast tomorrow and ridding myself of this beast.  Kill my television, indeed!

I did not know this until about twenty minutes ago.  At said time, promptly at 3 am, the 3 am News began on ABC with a set of obnoxious, amateur announcers from the East Coast wishing me "Good Morning."  And then, as their totally East Coast ethos became apparent to me, I realized, "This is the only thing we get live on the West Coast!"  We do not get the Emmy's or the Hobidibloo's (both of which are filmed on the West Coast, but still on East Coast time) nor the Hoozziwhatsits do we get live.  And yet, we get the fucking East Coast 6 am News LIVE.  By the way, East Coast, NO ONE IS AWAKE HERE... ER... EXCEPT ALCOHOLICS LIKE ME.  This is just like when people on the East Coast call the West Coast at 5 am Our Time and pretend like it is ridiculous CRAZY that we are still asleep.  Hey, Dickface, THE SUN ORBITS THE EARTH--IN THE SAME DIRECTION EVERY DAY!  IT TAKES LONGER TO GET HERE!

Damn this fat, wide country and this fat, wide world.  And thanks to you, East Coast.  Dickface.

Update! The 3 am News if FUCKING, FUCKING TERRIBLE.